Chapter 4 The Wild Ride
While Peter was in the medically induced coma he was on a wild ride to the great beyond. Peter could see himself drifting down a lightning infused tunnel like gravity didn’t exist. As he drifted he could hear laughter booming in the tunnel. Finally he came to rest in a nest of white pillows floating in a brilliant blue sky. He laid there and smiled as he listened to the hysterical laughter.
Suddenly a wild looking man wearing only a white Speedo jumped from nowhere into the nest of pillows in a total helter-skelter show. He was throwing pillows out into space and throwing them at Peter. He was diving into the pillow nest and disappearing. Finally he came up out of the nest inches from Peter’s face and said.
Then he disappeared into the pillow nest only to reappear on the other side of his face laughing hysterically. Peter yelled in a loud voice just as the man disappeared into the pillows again
“What the hell are you doing, and who the hell are you and where the hell am I.”
Without notice the wild man flew up and out of the nest, and when he was directly over Peter he yelled and a playful high-pitched voice.
“I’m an angel and training.”
Then he disappeared back into the pillow nest. Peter started digging in the nest to see what he could see just as the wild man flew up again and yelled.
“You can call me LA, short for, Laugh A Lot Angel.”
Then he disappeared into the nest before Peter could say anything. LA suddenly popped up again face-to-face with Peter and said in a cartoon character voice.
“You’re in the waiting room for heaven.”
LA disappeared again and then slowly poked his head up between two pillows as he said softly.
“You are also an Angel in training.”
This time LA climbed out of the pillow nest and sat almost on top of Peter and said.
“Sorry about lying to you Goofball, but actually you are at the proctology office at the gates of hell and we’re just waiting for Nurse Man Hater, to find some king-size rubber gloves.”
LA cuddled up to Goofball in a comforting way and said,
“Sorry about your ass man, we have a little funeral planned, so you can say goodbye to it.”
The now pissed off Goofball pushed LA away and yelled.
“You are not that funny dumb ass, I want to know what the hell is going on.”
LA cuddled up again next to Goofball and said.
I’m sorry man, I lied to you, this isn’t really hell. This is a place where you get to try out to be an Angel. Serious man what you did in front of Smiling Jack’s tonight has gone viral as far as us angels go. I’m telling you man, you’re famous now, and everyone thinks you could be one of the top dog Angels if you play your cards right.
Peter interrupted him in a confused voice.
“So I’m dead, you got to be shitting me. Really, just as I’m starting to claw my way to the top of the laughter pile again. Really, just as I’m about to hook up with the smartest and funniest woman in the universe and I’m dead. Sorry LA send me back, this whole idea is bull shit.”
LA started to act like he was crying and then instantly switched to hysterical laughter.
“Okay Goofball, here’s what I’m going to do for you. I’m going to head right up to the big guys office and bust in without even knocking. And I’m going give him a piece of my Angel wings. Yeah that’s what I’m going to do, I’ll let him know that you think his plan stinks. Yeah and just about that time the trap door would open up underneath you and you’ll be consumed by a fiery furnace. Okay dumb ass I’m on my way.”
Peter started to wonder why the hell God would pick LA as a potential Angel and then he realized he was no prize possession either.
“Okay LA, let’s cut the crap out. I just need you to explain this the entire weird scenario to me the best you can.”
“So here’s the real God’s truth deal Goofball. Something real big is going to go down in sin city sometime soon. And Angels like me on the other side of flesh and bones can only do so much. I can’t physically touch anybody, I can’t stop anything from happening, in fact no one can see me. But I can whisper in the ear of an earthly Angel in training so he can be a huge hero and save the day and get laid. So right now you’re in the same situation I was a while ago.”
“What the hell are you talking about LA, I don’t get this whole damn deal.”
“Here’s how it went down for me Goofball. I was a funny bastard just like you. Every day I went out to the world and try to make people laugh. The best part about my behavior was I just happened to be I was a cop. I tried to make all of my prisoners laugh. I worked extra hard to make the victims laugh hilariously. I definitely was the cop all of the other cops wanted to hang out with so they could forget about all the douche bags in the world. Then one day there was a hostage situation at a bank where a disgruntled customer had a bomb strapped to himself. I felt like the situation was escalating so I waltzed up to the front door with my hands raised high and use my humor to negotiate. Next thing you know all the hostages are out the door and I’ve got a captive audience for humor. Before you know it, he forgot why he was angry and I forgot I was a cop. I was just happy to have someone to hang out with that thought I was hilarious. I got him laughing so damn hard he accidentally pushed the detonation button and then….”
LA was silent for a minute and then jumped at Peter as he yelled BOOM as loud as he could. He scared Peter so badly that he fell backwards and disappeared into the pillow nest.
Peter clawed his way from the depths of the pillow nest and went after LA. But LA was too fast and wiry and avoided all of Peter’s attempts. Finally LA lunged at Peter and got him in a bear hug and started to kiss his cheek.
“Good Godfree, Mr. Goofy Scaredy-Cat, you didn’t act like a pussy boy out in front of Smiling Jack’s. The world needs a whole army of out of the box, out of control, totally out there Angels that can make the world laugh. The world is just overcrowded with douche bags and ass holes, and truthfully Angel candidates are really hard to find. You know there’s plenty of stuffy go to church every Sunday memorize the Bible Angel candidates but frankly the big man upstairs just really likes to laugh.”
“Can you just cut out the humor for one damn minute LA, remember I just died jackass.”
“So here’s the deal Goofball, you have been indoctrinated by me just a little bit. You see technically you’re not really dead. But if they unplugged all the machines you’re hooked up to you would swell up like a road killed raccoon in no time. So we just borrowed you a little while from that coma you are in. But look at the bright side you could die any minute and me and you could be the tag team laughing Angels, I can see it now they would call our act the celestial kingdom of comedy.”
“Frankly LA I just want to head on back to smiling Jack’s and see if I can seduce Sissy Smilette.”
“You already have her right where you want her Goofball. Every chickadee in the universe fantasizes about a hero. And that’s exactly what you are. And after you take care of the F5 insanity tornado heading to sin city you could be famous. And then that little Sissy Chickadee will be yours. Come over here goofball and get a hold of my hands and close your eyes”
The second Peter closed his eyes he could see Sissy sitting by his Hospital bed holding his hand. She was telling him jokes and watching the Brain monitor as it showed a small flickering response. She laughed hysterically at her own jokes as tears ran down her cheeks. Goofball opened his eyes and the portal to look back at flesh and bones closed.
“You see what I mean Goofball, she is all yours.”
“Okay LA, I am all in, how is this hero thing going to work.”
“I think you’re up to it Goofy, but it’s probably going to hurt a little bit when they remove your private parts. We need you to go back as a altered gender.”
“Okay, never mind about the hero thing that’s bull shit.”
“I think you should reconsider Goofy, I can look into the future and you would look great with double D breast implants.”
Peter just looked down shaking his head and LA saw his chance to catapult over to Peter and yelled.
“Goofy is a gullible moron, just joking dumb ass.”
Peter lunged at LA again but missed and fell deep into the pillow nest. When Peter finally climbed back up to the surface LA was right behind him and yelled BOOM as loud as he could scaring him so bad it knocked him back into the pillow nest. Peter climbed to the surface and yelled.
“They should call you JA for Jackass Angel not LA.”
“Okay GA as in Goofy Angel, here’s the short and sweet of the story. You’re going to fly back up the tunnel and slip back into that weird looking body of yours and then I’m going to blow some miracle smoke into your oxygen tube. And just like magic your eyes will pop open and little sissy hero lover’s is going to cry a flood of happy tears. Then everyone will call you a hero and you’ll get a king sized ego that little sissy will deflate once you’re better. Then an overpaid Dr. who hates comedians is going to screw your head on tight, so your brain doesn’t fall out. We can’t have your brain spilled on the floor because we know some small Peckard guy will attempt to eat it to impress his girlfriend. Then you’re going to spend three or four weeks in rehab trying to remember how to do the drunk chicken dance again. But every morning before you wake up I’ll be sprinkling a little magic dust over you. And everyone’s going to call it a miracle, and once again I don’t get any credit for your prompt recovery. Then someone who hears your story is going to give you a dream vacation of a lifetime in the city of sin complete with VIP tickets to the biggest music Festival in the history of the world. And that my good friend GA is where you get to kick ass and make shit happen, it will truly be the greatest show on earth.
“That’s it LA, that’s the entire instruction manual for something big going down.”
“Don’t get your wings in the ringer PBA, by the way, that stands for Pussy Boy Angel. I’ll be there, giving you instructions and encouragement. You’ll be able to hear me and see me but no one else will. If you trust everything I tell you will be like Superman, totally bulletproof. All you really need to do is be yourself to be the hero of the day.”
View About the Author- https://acosmiccowboydotcom.wordpress.com/2019/04/angel-in-training-about-the-author/
Angel In Training-
A Story About The Laughter That Comes From Heaven.
©Paul H. Keeler… A Cosmic Cowboy.